If this site is supposed to be here for me to chronicle my life and the things that affect it, then I should write about the good…and the bad.
Today I woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach. Being a king kong fuck up like myself, I have felt this feeling before. This is the feeling of ultimate dread. I still owed my roomate $40 for rent, my car had died two days previously, and I had just played the worst show of my professional career the day before. My paycheck for the week was supposed to be waiting for me at the Hutch, because I was in Salem playing a show when I would normally receive it. So I had my roomate jump my car, and off I went, driving 30 mph down division street hoping to get to the hutch before my trusty montero completely died on me. I made it about half way. For those in south east…I broke down fairly close to franklin high school. So I walked to the nearest bus stop and hoofed it to the hutch. When I got to the hutch, all my stuff was all in the corner, with a note attached to the pile. I opened it up expecting to see a paycheck…..What I saw was a letter of termination.
You see….Earlier last week, I heard from the booker of Berbati’s Pan that he wanted to see what my band radarclub (www.myspace.com/radarclubband) could do. The show was on Thursday, and for the past year and a half I have been working Thursday, Friday, and Saturday as a karaoke dj. So I lied to my boss, in order to play the show. To be honest, I felt guilty about it instantly. I knew I was walking on thin ice, but I felt that a show at berbati’s was an amazing oppurtunity that I couldn’t stand to miss…How was I to know that the show at Berbati’s would start a chain reaction of devastating proportions.
My boss somehow found out about the show….Could be because I wrote about it on the blog site you are currently reading through. Either way, he took it as a slap in the face, and fired me…After a year and a half of working for his company and becoming the best in the city at my craft. He didn’t even call me. I had to wreck my car, use 3 of my last 5 dollars for a bus ride, and walk about a mile and a half, to find out I was fired…Ain’t that a bitch.
I called him though…and I begged…I begged for my job back. He ranted about how he couldn’t trust me, how I never plugged the company, and how I was only in it for myself. I tried to tell him that even though EVERYONE has told me to disassociate myself from him and his company, that I stayed with him…Because he gave me chance to be great….When no one else would. I said “Please, don’t do this” and he said “You leave me no choice.”
This is going to sound cheesy…But my karaoke nights at The Hutch…are my life. Never have I had a job that accents me so perfectly. Every week, I would hear hundreds of people tell me that I was the best. The people I met, the drinks I had, the songs I sang, the memories and friends that I made…They all meant more to me then life itself. Performing, and making people happy completes me. It’s what I was born to do.
I now have nothing…..
nothing…
No car, no money, no job, no future, no career, and nowhere to go on my weekends.
It’s in these moments when I wonder what kind of person I am. For those who know me, they’ll all tell you that this isn’t the first time my dreams have been shattered. Probably won’t be the last either. But I know I’m a good person. Bad things should happen to bad people…Not people like me who want only to entertain, and live comfortably.
FYI:
I just deleted a whole paragraph, because it was getting too “woe is me” and preachy so…
This will be my final statement….
I feel that my kindness to others, natural talents, and general positive attitude towards life, should be worth something. I AM worth something….Even though I don’t have a cent to my name, I know that I am valuable and deserve the best. People may feel differently. People may not think I deserve the best. People may think that I’m a fuck-up, and deserve all the shit that falls on my head…Some people may even try to rip the things that make me happy, out of my bare hands…But I am not going to bow down and take it anymore. I have found my calling in life, and I’ll be damned if i’m going to let someone less talented, that has more to live for take away my happiness.
This fucking sucks…This may be the hardest thing i’ve ever had to deal with…Real talk…I might not make it…
pray for me kids…
S
P.S. After two and a half months, cold turkey, today, I caved, and smoked a cigarette. This has been a monumentally bad day….
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